Tuesday, May 30, 2006


This Bollywood blockbuster has taken the world by storm! Physicists everywhere are striving to understand the physics and dynamics of Mithun flicks. Linguists and other language scholars are pouring over the dialogues. No one knows what the next step will be. How will humanity respond?

Take those spectacular sound effects. Those millions of violins in the background, tearing your eardrums out, just trying to tell you, "This is a sad sad scene. Please please start crying now." Or the mighty DISHOOM that echoes across the halls as the hero beats up villians by the dozen. Consider the roaring DHISHKAOON after every gun shot. Even if the gun has a massive silencer attached to it!

And, what about the music? Apparently, the last movie that Kurt Kobain saw was B-Grade Bolywood Flick starring Govinda. He couldn't take any more - The ease with which Bollywood stars slide their hands over the guitar, playing it without pressing any of the strings, their faces twisted with ecstacy as they sing out their "tunes"! It was just too much.

And let's not forget the customary chase and action sequences that take place towards the end of movies. Choreographed to put dare-devil commandos to shame. Poor Neo would never have dared step into the Matrix had he known that the best way to dodge a bullet is to sway wildly, scream, and run towards the villian in slow motion!

As clearly demonstrated, the best way to survive a bullet shot is to sway even more wildly, raise the pitch of the scream, stumble and fall. The bad guy then goes through some "haha sucker" dialogues. After that, you can simply get up and thrash the bad guy, no bullet wound or anything!

And, i'm not even going to get started on the dance sequences.

Well, it'll be ages before we can make head-or-tail of these brilliant blockbusters. But let's not worry about that. Pick up the TV remote and hit that big red button which reads "Power". Then go outdoors and enjoy the rain.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Let's freak out the X-Men!

Ever wondered what kind of "super-powers" we'd have if we were mutants? Well, wonder no more! Here's what we'd be (in)capable of:

Real life person: Saurabh Das aka SD aka Me :D
X-Name: 1-Dimensional Man
Abilities: Thinner than air, able to slip through walls, can turn invisible by turning perpendicular to you,...

...wait a sec.. I'm the author here! I get to choose some really cool powers for myself, while keeping everybody else as lame as a dead-duck! I'll come back to me a little later... ;)

Real life person: Avinav aka "Nigger"
X-Name: Super-ego-man
Abilities: Capable of talking about himself for hours and hours! He has been known to defeat an entire Nation by boring them to death with his long-winded and self-flattering speeches! If you see him, your only hope is to RUN... or alternatively, you could pick up a pair of ear-plugs.
Arch-Nemisis: All deaf people - They can get close to him without suffering permanent brain-damage.
Sidekick: [none currently; the previous one ran away]

Real life person: Prady
X-Name: The Human Egg
Abilities: Still hatching....
Arch-Nemisis: Hard floors, high walls (remember Humpty-Dumpty?)
Ultimate ability: After eating a trillion eggs, he can turn into "The Incredible Bulk". His eyes pop out and he grows huge! So much so that now he doesn't need to find eggs any more - they gravitate towards him!

Real life person: Anirudh D. Patil aka "Baccha"
X-Name: The Calculating Fiend
Abilities: Can factorize 7-digit numbers in his head, can multiply numbers faster than most computers and it capable of many more murderous mind-bending mathematical feats. People cower in fear when he starts spewing out figures!
Sidekick/wife: Mathematecia ;)

Real life person: Grishma Rao
X-Name: Radiation Goddess
Abilities: She radiates (atleast she claims to...), she has "followers" (2 palm trees) and she gets high on a single beer!
Sidekicks/Super-Weapons: A guitar and a chocolate bar (They rhyme). Can you imagine any1 using a guitar as a weapon? Yeah. Exactly. She plays it like a violin. :P

Real life person: Nidhi
X-Name: Cheesy-Termite Girl / The Cheese Queen
Ability: Is capable of consuming mountains of cheese. Her powers rival those of spiderman, only much cheeseier. Her webs of cheese are feared by criminals and evil-doers everywhere!
Sidekick: A bucket of cheese. It follows here everywhere she goes!

I'd better stop here (The world won't be able to take much more!) - But do drop a comment by if you come across other mutants who deserve a spot in the spot-light :D

Monday, May 15, 2006

The Velvet Underground

I am tired, I am weary
I could sleep for a thousand years
A thousand dreams that would awake me
Different colors made of tears

Friday, May 05, 2006

Universal Laws

Today, after struggling with my computer, vacuum cleaner (at home), stupid broken-down car and other stuff, I claim to have learnt a lot. Like:

1. Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories: those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

2. Never fight an inanimate object.

3. It is a grave mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.

4. The better the customer service, the sooner you get to speak with someone who cannot help you.

Were Your Parents Like This?

(Click to Enlarge)

Thursday, May 04, 2006


Just outside the prof's office:

Me: Sir, I wanted to speak to you about the CMP course grades.

Prof: Yes, yes. Ah I couldn't have passed you. Your marks were too low.

Me: Sir, but I did well in the endsem paper. I'm pretty sure I should be passing atleast.

Prof: No. You got only some 4 or 5 marks in the endsem. You wouldn't have passed in my wildest dreams!

Me: Sir 5 marks is way too low. I'm positive I have done better. Sir, could I see my endsem paper?

Prof: No, that is against institute policy.

Me: Could I atleast get my break-up of marks?

Prof: No, I can't show you that.

Me: Sir, what did you keep the passing marks at?

Prof: Sorry, but I can't tell you.

Prof: Now please, I'm a little busy with all these seminars. Perhaps you should come some other time.

What do you think?

Tuesday, May 02, 2006


We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.

Imagine there's no heaven, It's easy if you try
Imagine there's no countries, It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for, And no religion too
Imagine all the people, Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

- John Lennon
-- x --

Yo some people say I'm whack, now if that's right
I'm the freshest whack MC that you ever heard, in your lifetime
My slick accapella sounds clever with the beats
Boy I'm the deepest thing since potholes to ever hit the streets

It just seems like musicians nowdays want to sell a few records and put out a perfume line, and I think it's so sad that there are so many musicians who don't want to change the world... Music has been so much more.

Only sick music makes money today.