Gunda

This Bollywood blockbuster has taken the world by storm! Physicists everywhere are striving to understand the physics and dynamics of Mithun flicks. Linguists and other language scholars are pouring over the dialogues. No one knows what the next step will be. How will humanity respond?

Take those spectacular sound effects. Those millions of violins in the background, tearing your eardrums out, just trying to tell you, "This is a sad sad scene. Please please start crying now." Or the mighty DISHOOM that echoes across the halls as the hero beats up villians by the dozen. Consider the roaring DHISHKAOON after every gun shot. Even if the gun has a massive silencer attached to it!

And, what about the music? Apparently, the last movie that Kurt Kobain saw was B-Grade Bolywood Flick starring Govinda. He couldn't take any more - The ease with which Bollywood stars slide their hands over the guitar, playing it without pressing any of the strings, their faces twisted with ecstacy as they sing out their "tunes"! It was just too much.

And let's not forget the customary chase and action sequences that take place towards the end of movies. Choreographed to put dare-devil commandos to shame. Poor Neo would never have dared step into the Matrix had he known that the best way to dodge a bullet is to sway wildly, scream, and run towards the villian in slow motion!

As clearly demonstrated, the best way to survive a bullet shot is to sway even more wildly, raise the pitch of the scream, stumble and fall. The bad guy then goes through some "haha sucker" dialogues. After that, you can simply get up and thrash the bad guy, no bullet wound or anything!

And, i'm not even going to get started on the dance sequences.

Well, it'll be ages before we can make head-or-tail of these brilliant blockbusters. But let's not worry about that. Pick up the TV remote and hit that big red button which reads "Power". Then go outdoors and enjoy the rain.

Let's freak out the X-Men!

Ever wondered what kind of "super-powers" we'd have if we were mutants? Well, wonder no more! Here's what we'd be (in)capable of:

Real life person: Saurabh Das aka SD aka Me :D
X-Name: 1-Dimensional Man
Abilities: Thinner than air, able to slip through walls, can turn invisible by turning perpendicular to you,...

...wait a sec.. I'm the author here! I get to choose some really cool powers for myself, while keeping everybody else as lame as a dead-duck! I'll come back to me a little later... ;)

Real life person: Avinav aka "Nigger"
X-Name: Super-ego-man
Abilities: Capable of talking about himself for hours and hours! He has been known to defeat an entire Nation by boring them to death with his long-winded and self-flattering speeches! If you see him, your only hope is to RUN... or alternatively, you could pick up a pair of ear-plugs.
Arch-Nemisis: All deaf people - They can get close to him without suffering permanent brain-damage.
Sidekick: [none currently; the previous one ran away]

Real life person: Prady
X-Name: The Human Egg
Abilities: Still hatching....
Arch-Nemisis: Hard floors, high walls (remember Humpty-Dumpty?)
Ultimate ability: After eating a trillion eggs, he can turn into "The Incredible Bulk". His eyes pop out and he grows huge! So much so that now he doesn't need to find eggs any more - they gravitate towards him!

Real life person: Anirudh D. Patil aka "Baccha"
X-Name: The Calculating Fiend
Abilities: Can factorize 7-digit numbers in his head, can multiply numbers faster than most computers and it capable of many more murderous mind-bending mathematical feats. People cower in fear when he starts spewing out figures!
Sidekick/wife: Mathematecia ;)

Real life person: Grishma Rao
X-Name: Radiation Goddess
Abilities: She radiates (atleast she claims to...), she has "followers" (2 palm trees) and she gets high on a single beer!
Sidekicks/Super-Weapons: A guitar and a chocolate bar (They rhyme). Can you imagine any1 using a guitar as a weapon? Yeah. Exactly. She plays it like a violin. :P

Real life person: Nidhi
X-Name: Cheesy-Termite Girl / The Cheese Queen
Ability: Is capable of consuming mountains of cheese. Her powers rival those of spiderman, only much cheeseier. Her webs of cheese are feared by criminals and evil-doers everywhere!
Sidekick: A bucket of cheese. It follows here everywhere she goes!

I'd better stop here (The world won't be able to take much more!) - But do drop a comment by if you come across other mutants who deserve a spot in the spot-light :D

The Velvet Underground

I am tired, I am weary
I could sleep for a thousand years
A thousand dreams that would awake me
Different colors made of tears

Universal Laws

Today, after struggling with my computer, vacuum cleaner (at home), stupid broken-down car and other stuff, I claim to have learnt a lot. Like:

1. Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories: those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

2. Never fight an inanimate object.

3. It is a grave mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.

4. The better the customer service, the sooner you get to speak with someone who cannot help you.

Were Your Parents Like This?

(Click to Enlarge)

FF

Just outside the prof's office:

Me: Sir, I wanted to speak to you about the CMP course grades.

Prof: Yes, yes. Ah I couldn't have passed you. Your marks were too low.

Me: Sir, but I did well in the endsem paper. I'm pretty sure I should be passing atleast.

Prof: No. You got only some 4 or 5 marks in the endsem. You wouldn't have passed in my wildest dreams!

Me: Sir 5 marks is way too low. I'm positive I have done better. Sir, could I see my endsem paper?

Prof: No, that is against institute policy.

Me: Could I atleast get my break-up of marks?

Prof: No, I can't show you that.

Me: Sir, what did you keep the passing marks at?

Prof: Sorry, but I can't tell you.

Prof: Now please, I'm a little busy with all these seminars. Perhaps you should come some other time.


What do you think?

Lament

We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.

Imagine there's no heaven, It's easy if you try
Imagine there's no countries, It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for, And no religion too
Imagine all the people, Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

- John Lennon

-- x --

Yo some people say I'm whack, now if that's right
I'm the freshest whack MC that you ever heard, in your lifetime
My slick accapella sounds clever with the beats
Boy I'm the deepest thing since potholes to ever hit the streets

It just seems like musicians nowdays want to sell a few records and put out a perfume line, and I think it's so sad that there are so many musicians who don't want to change the world... Music has been so much more.

Only sick music makes money today.

Infected

Baccha's fallen sick. He's been infected. With mathematics!

Here's a conversation that took place over breakfast:

Me: hmm... I wonder which is the smallest prime number more than a million. Baccha is a million and one a prime number?

Baccha: What? How do you expect me to calculate that?

Amost in the same breath, less than a second later...
Baccha: No it isn't. 101 is a factor.

Me (completely befuddled): gaaa!!!

A short while later, in my room:
Baccha: SD you were born on August 14th right? Which year?

Me: Yup; '84.

Baccha: hmm... lets see... were you were born on a Tuesday?

Me: WTF? I have no idea... Why? How? Ok lemme check...

After checking the calendar...
Me: Baccha you freak!!!!! How the hell?

A person infected with mathematics remains human, but they may become very calculating.

Death Knell

It's been done. Years later (not too many, mind you) when India is once again down in the dumps, when the economy is once again in shambles and when all educated, smart and deserving are fleeing the country in hordes, people will look back and say, "That is the decision that ruined the country. The final straw."

What am in ranting on about? 50% reservations in elite institutions. That's what. The decision - it's mindless, trivial, idiotic, ludicrous, irresponsible, mindless, moronic, laughable. This law signals Death for IITs, for IIMs, for hard-working people, for the Country.

It's amazing how ministers unfailingly manage to harm the country in order to gain a small number of votes. It's amazing how no other political-party *ever* opposes such thick-headed behaviour.

Just slightly off-track: I read in today's paper that private schools might get reservations too! What next? Jobs? A conversation at Google: "Hey we need 10 PHD dudes... but 50% of them must be incompetent as per govt laws. Now we already have 5 dudes but we can't find any OBC PHDs! Does that mean we can't hire any more people?" Duh!

So once again coming back to the point I was trying to make: In IIT, many people have mixed reactions when asked whether they would like to go abroad. Many say that they would rather stay right here. Just overnight that has changed. And it's going to happen everywhere. Why would we stay here if all the govt wants to do is make life difficult for us. And then later they say that IITians are deserting the country. It never strikes them that they're actually driving us away.

And they speak in lofty terms of "lifting the backward people", about the injustice done to such people, etc etc. What about the injustice done to us? What about the injustice done to the thousands of hard-working, smart people? No talk of that ever crops up. I guess we just don't constitute a large enough vote bank.

The Lost Road

Do you want to be where I am? Many say they do.

"Do you like it here?", I ask myself. Silence. No reply returns.

Why would you like it here? Why would anyone want to be here? No sovereignty. Never a free reign. Everything is controlled. Everything is sober. Here, Freedom exists - only in a textbook.

Shall we dare the dragon?
Merciless, he's poisoning our hearts
How shall we leave the lost road?

Time's getting short so follow me
A leader's task so clearly:
To find a path out of the dark

Sometimes I wonder if there's a way out. A trivia perhaps. I have seen none so far.

Spread your wings and fly away
Fly away, far away

Pull yourself together
You know you could do better

You're a free man.

And I stop now. There's a portal here. Back to 3 years ago. Is that the right path? To some it is. To me it isin't.

But I look ahead. Far away, there's a tiny beacon of light. And in one stroke the light gets faint. It's still there but it seems farther away. I shall strive to get there. There's still 7 months to go.

That's how the world works. Punish the industrious, support the unbefitting. Go read the papers.

Pull yourself together
You know you could do better